Find Your Family
Head Prefect, Zara, sheds light on her ‘chosen’ family, her football team, and discusses how friends can be as good as family.
I have a big family comprised of 18 girls, two coaches, two physios, and a strength and conditioning coach – my football team. Although I may not be remotely related to any of these people, they are my family. They are my family because together we have chosen each other. Every day of the week, we struggle during fitness together, laugh together, work together, back each other up on the pitch and do everything together as a family.
To me, family can be chosen, it is not limited by blood but rather love. It transcends who you are related to and expands in a myriad of ways. Who you choose to be in your family is one of the most important decisions in life, and I think my football team serves as a great analogy for this.
Coaches – they bring wisdom to your life, guide and support you; yet they step back when necessary, allowing you to make mistakes safely. They prepare you for what’s to come and often know more than we give them credit for. They are our parents and grandparents, our teachers and more.
Teammates can be your best friends. Teammates are the ones who work with you to help you achieve a common goal, utilise everyone’s strengths, push you to be better, they are the ones who stick up for you. These are your siblings and cousins, best friends, and peers.
And finally, physios and strength and conditioning coaches – they are your helpers, they provide you with a safe space, catch you when you fall, allow you to ask for help when you need it, and stitch you back up.
To me, family is controllable, it is what we choose. Everyone is born with family, but who you choose as your coaches, teammates and physios can be some of the most important decisions in life.
How have I come to such a profound realisation?
Well, let me take you back to my Under 9s six-a-side team, when little me was just seven years old. It was a Friday night. I had my kit on, I was a lot cuter than I am now and probably the same height. It wasn’t just any old Friday night game; it was a semi-final. I arrived at the ground, backpack on my back, ready to win, and said hi to my teammates, one of whom included Will, the love of my life, at the time. I knew from the moment I met him we would live happily ever after. Will and I were talking as we made our way to the pitch. We threw our bags over the fence and reached up to jump over. Here is where I tell you all, if you ever need to jump a fence, pay extra attention because although seven-year-old me made it over the fence, my pants did not. My pants were caught on the fence and did in fact rip right in front of Will. Clearly, I was so infatuated with Will that I was a bit distracted – heartbreak, torment, and trauma. They were big feelings for a little girl but my family helped me through. It was my teammates who loaned me an extra pair of shorts, my coaches who helped me take it in my stride and cop it on the chin, and my parents who cheered for me throughout the game from the sidelines. We did not win that game, so it seems I had a few losses that night, but I did come away with something – not years’ worth of trauma and fear, and unfortunately not Will as my husband, but I came away with a valuable lesson.
Teammates, literal and metaphorical, coaches and physios will always have your back and wipe away your tears.
Everyone had a role to play to help me recover from the painful embarrassment, similar to the roles in my football team. Each person from my family held a unique piece of string that would weave into the safety net I was able to fall back on. This support network continues today.
I am beyond proud of my chosen family. Without my siblings and parents, my best friends, and my football team, I wouldn’t be who and where I am. I would probably still be stuck on Will.
So, find friends, teachers and colleagues who lift you up, extend you, make you laugh, support you and make you feel valued, because despite what anyone tells you or what you may think, you all deserve that. You have the privilege of choice so choose who is in your metaphorical team wisely.
Find your family, thrive with them and keep the good ones as close as you can.